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Don’t Awaken Love Until It Pleases

Don’t Awaken Love

Until It Pleases

 

Here is some of the best relationship advice you’ll ever receive …

Song of Solomon 8:4 I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, Do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases.

This verse has several meanings, and one is it offers some superb relationship advice, don’t push or manipulate love. Don’t try to force a bond of love where it isn’t – something we see happening a lot today.

Simple isn’t it?  But, how many of us try to stir or awaken love before it pleases?  How many of us know people who do this? With friendships, marriages, children and even with God? People have their plan and drive to accomplish it to their and others detriment. But it’s not about our will, but God’s. He alone knows what is truly best and ultimately most satisfying for us. If we push our will we bring on much more heartache and pain than if we trust and walk in His will for our lives.

Let’s take one example where this pre-awakening occurs, marriage. Marriage is a life long commitment. It’s a decision that has a huge impact on our lives. Yet, many marry for the wrong reasons. Our emotional needs and fears can be very powerful and make it easy to justify and rationalize situations where we would normally have greater discernment.  We push our agenda though it isn’t best. We let our emotional need/fear drive our actions.  Because of the power of our emotions, we need to put God’s Word first and let it dictate our actions, not our emotions.

Here are a few situations where love is awakened before it pleases.

  • “Settling” in marrying someone because you think that is the best you can do.
  • A woman’s ticking biological clock causing her to marry the man in her life at the time, but not the right one for her.
  • Growing older and marrying out of a fear of being alone.
  • Feeling a lack of value and just happy someone will marry you.
  • Loving to be in love, so marrying seeking an idealistic state and not really for the person.
  • Marrying someone who is a “good” person, but not necessarily good for you.
  • Feeling pressure to marry because all your friends are.

Ultimately all of these reasons for marriage are based in fear. God’s counsel and wisdom aren’t based on fear, but on love. If fear is driving your decisions and actions – stop and seek God’s deliverance from your fears. Sometimes we have to seek deep within ourselves to discover our true motives, because our ability to rationalize is great. But it’s a search we all need to take.

It’s God’s desire to give us the best, the best for us. We can trust God to intersect our paths with one who is right for us when it’s time. We need to let Him do His job and not push our will, especially this area. It’s one where ill-made decisions have a significant life changing impact. Though a marriage may sedate certain fears like the ones above, it will bring a whole host of other issues when it isn’t right.

Wait for the right union. Sometimes we have to wait because God is preparing us for the relationship and/or preparing our spouse. When we trust God, then all works as it should and when it should. Nothing is impossible for God. Seek His counsel. Wait on His timing. Don’t be the judge of how everything should work out. Let God create in your life what is perfect for you. Listen and follow where He leads. Walk in His footsteps not your own.

When you are ready, and when the other is ready, then it will occur. It isn’t about being perfect and all your issues dealt with – it’s about being ready for you to enter into a marriage. God brings you to a place within your spirit that will set you up for success. God has an infinite number of ways for your path to cross with one who is right for you. Trust Him in the preparation, timing and how it occurs.

Now what, sit around? No, seek God and the rest will follow. When we seek and draw near to God, He works in us according to His good will and pleasure. He moves us into new situations. He guides us down new paths that lead to a new life in Him. There is nothing that God can’t do, but we have to put Him first – that’s His way. He is to be our first love and then all others follow.

If you are married and you feel it was the wrong decision because it was based on fear and/or the wrong motives, what’s done is done. God can still work it out. Nothing is impossible for Him. He can make all things new. He is the Creator. He can create your marriage into one that will satisfy the both of you. But you have to believe and trust that He can do this work. Our faith is everything. If we succumb to the thought that we are forever in a state of hopelessness that is where we will remain.  Unbelief is a thief to satisfying marriages. When our mind gets overrun by negativity, then we are headed for a downward spiral by our own doing.

Seek God’s face. Trust in His work. If you find trusting Him difficult then spend time with Him. Trust is the fruit of deep a relationship with Him.

Regardless of the relationship don’t awaken love before it pleases, instead trust and leave that part to the Creator.


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Remarriage (PART II)

Remarriage

(PART II)

Divorce Part I

Back to the question if we do divorce (understanding what it creates from the Part I), God’s Word seems to say if you remarry you commit adultery – unless you reunite to your ex-spouse (if they haven’t remarried since the separation) or he/she dies.

Romans 7:3 “So then if, while her husband lives, she marries another man, she will be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from that law, so that she is no adulteress, though she has married another man.”

This truth may seem tough, that if one divorces then they aren’t to remarry. However, except for the two reasons above, it seems the Word of God says it is better for us and others not to remarry. As I’ve dived into this issue the past couple of weeks, I wonder why I’ve rarely heard anything about this topic of remarriage? Am I missing something in the scriptures that makes it a non-issue so that we can remarry regardless?

Perhaps the issue of why it seems to be a non-issue is we often don’t seek God’s will but our own. We listen to our own justifications and rationalizations and those around us. We listen to society that says we have to be married to be fulfilled. Yet look at the many unhappy marriages? Perhaps God is right? It is better for some to stay single. Our leaders haven’t helped much either. Many church leaders have followed their own will in regards to divorce and remarriage and therefore reinforce it in their listeners. We let passions rule us instead of God’s will, truth and love. And as long as we are ruled by our will instead of God’s, pain and destruction is what we will create and receive.

Seeing this issue of not remarrying as difficult is looking at it from society’s perspective and giving into its emotional rule in our lives. We need to trust that God’s will is truly better for us and everyone else. And that perhaps we really would be happier and more fulfilled by not remarrying. Who knows what God has in store for us? How He will use us and fulfill us in other ways that satisfy us beyond our imagination? How little we really trust Him. If it is His will and we honor His will, don’t you think He will give us what we need to fulfill it?

Society makes us believe if we don’t remarry we are missing out, but then again society doesn’t lead us to the path of life, but the path of death. Society leads us in so many ways away from God’s truth and will. We have to re-associate our thoughts according to the Word of God. What truly equates to life according to Him? This isn’t about legalism, it’s about love and what is truly loving.

1 Corinthians 7:39-40 “A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. But she is happier if she remains as she is, according to my judgment–and I think I also have the Spirit of God.”

Psalm 31:19 “Oh, how great is Your goodness, Which You have laid up for those who fear You, Which You have prepared for those who trust in You In the presence of the sons of men!”

Psalm 112:1 “Praise the Lord! Blessed is the man who fears the Lord, Who delights greatly in His commandments.”

Our deliverance from this growing epidemic of divorce is to heed God’s Word and seek His love. We need true love to choose the right spouse, to love that spouse, and to make the right decisions if divorce occurs. God designed this world to work in a certain way. We need to trust His counsel because He is the only one that truly knows the right answer and He is love. We’ve proven we don’t know it. And if more people realized that they shouldn’t remarry after they divorce, perhaps they would and be slower to marry in the first place and not give up so easily when problems arise, but seek how to live in a fulfilling marriage by the power of God.

Every commandment of God comes down to love. Only He knows what is truly loving in any situation. We need to trust Him at His Word that His truth is best for us and others. 1 Timothy 1:5 “Now the purpose of the commandment is love from a pure heart, from a good conscience, and from sincere faith”. We each need to seek the counsel and wisdom from the Holy Spirit above all others in this area of our life.

If you have been divorced and remarried. What is done is done. Consider that it may have been outside God’s will and move forward in truth and abiding in love in your present marriage. Never underestimate the extent of God’s mercy and love, especially for the choices made in ignorance. God can renew you, your spouse and your marriage as if it was your first marriage and give you a tremendous gift in that mercy. He can make all things new. I’ve witnessed it. Psalm 57:10, 2 Corinthians 5:17 And moving forward in future decisions, walk in His truth and will.

The answer to all this mess we’ve created is to focus on seeking God’s Love, abiding in Him and in His Word, and cultivating a deep and real relationship with Him because that changes everything – this is our deliverance from ourselves, which we so desperately need. The best thing you can do for your marriage or if you are single preparing to marry is to cultivate a personal and intimate relationship with God.

Someone referred me to this paper written by John Piper on the issue. He breaks down the Biblical verses related to this topic. I found it very interesting. It is worth the read. Divorce & Remarriage: A Position Paper

Titus 2:4 “that they (older women) admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children,” — We need more admonishing toward love.

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