Living Light

Stirring The Deep


Fear Riding on my Shoulders

Fear Riding on my Shoulders


This last week as I started to venture down new paths, fear started banging at my back door.

When I examined my heart, I found doubt. I doubted the power of God in my life. Not His power, but in my life in this area. After all He has done . . . after all His confirmations, encouragement and help, I doubted. After all He has done in other areas of my life, which has been truly tremendous, I doubted. Memories of past failures crept into my life. Times where I started something but it never quite made it. Times where I was like a ship prepared to sail but never caught the wind. What if that happened again?

This morning during my quiet time I poured out my heart to God. I laid out my fear before Him and in the stillness and quietness, He spoke to me:

This is not your work it is mine. And I will complete it to the end. Your failures before weren’t failures but were what you needed to go through to come to me. You were always mine, but you didn’t know it. You needed to walk a path that unsatisfied you and left you empty to prompt you to seek me. Don’t fear. I’m with you. Forget the past, push forward with me knowing you don’t walk alone anymore. I’m with you until the end. Don’t give room to this fear. Fill that space with my promises; 2 Corinthians 9:8, Ezra 8:22, Psalm 46:1. Just be who you are and let me do the rest. I will work in and through your life according to my purposes. Walk by my still waters and green pastures and be at rest. You are in a different place now – in my kingdom. Life isn’t like it was before when you walked without me and without my power. Trust me. Walk with me. I will show you my power in this.

With His words filling my ears, I realized my fear wasn’t real. It came from a dead past. When emotions like this arise that aren’t based on truth, it is our enemy warring against us. Whether, it is an external enemy or an internal one, seeking God’s face and truth is the answer. Fear is a successful tactic to keep us from moving forward. Whatever God is calling you to – embrace it as His will that will be done. Fill the spaces of fear with His promises. Don’t let fear keep you from experiencing His power in your life because you listened and followed fear instead of Him.


Year of the Bible

Year of the Bible

Bible Bill

Regardless of the outcome, if this is pronounced the Year of the Bible or not, it is always the Year of the Bible because God’s Word prevails. God is God even if people don’t believe He is. His truth is the Truth, even if people don’t believe it. It is the Year of the Bible in every country always. God is sovereign. His plans for this world, found in His Word, are working out according to His will regardless if we recognize Him or not. Somehow we think if we acknowledge God as God that makes Him God. He is God. What we do or don’t do doesn’t change that fact, though often we act like it does. It is like the ants in my backyard telling me I don’t exist. Well the fact is I do and they are crawling around my yard. I can let them wander around or I can spray them with Home Defense – the choice is mine.

Regardless if they say it is or isn’t the Year of the Bible – the truth is it always is.


God Seeker

God Seeker


Ezra 8:22b The hand of our God is upon all those for good who seek Him, but His power and His wrath are against all those who forsake Him.”

How many of us truly seek God? We seek a “good” church, an “inspiring” pastor, “insightful” teaching, “fulfilling” programs, “meaningful” fellowship, to be healed inside and out, to feel good about ourselves, and the list goes on. But how many of us truly seek God? Hosea 13:6

In general, most seem to be more concerned with finding the “right” church than spending time with God – seeking Him and communing with Him in His Word one-on-one as a passionate bride.

Interestingly in the past couple of years, I’ve noticed many of my acquaintances feeling restlessness in their spirits; something is missing, unfulfilling, and off. They assume it is time to find a new church. But what if that restlessness is God calling them to Him, not another church? God wants a personal intimate relationship with us, but most are too busy trying to cultivate a relationship with the “right” church. He is stirring spirits to draw near to Him. But instead of turning to God and seeking Him, they continue to seek what won’t fulfill.

Amos 5:5-6 But do not seek Bethel (house of God, church), Nor enter Gilgal, Nor pass over to Beersheba; For Gilgal shall surely go into captivity, And Bethel shall come to nothing. 6 Seek the Lord and live, Lest He break out like fire in the house of Joseph, And devour it, With no one to quench it in Bethel—

For years I grew up seeking the things of “Bethel” and my life was a mess. I had no idea what death and destruction filled my days because I was blinded to my own state as I was reassured by others I was on the right path. But now that I have been seeking God for some time the difference in my life between now and then is enormous. I still have a long way to go, but finally I am moving forward instead of circles. I was trapped in bondage, affliction, and pain. I was trapped in myself. But when I started seeking God– He starting bringing me into freedom, healing, truth, true life, peace, rest, and joy, because I was brought into Him. Most Christians are settling for a life far below what Christ came to give because they are seeking the wrong thing – the church system instead of Him.

Most have a religion not a relationship. Most seek Bethel, the church system, and its programs, teaching, fellowship, and leaders but not God. But without a heart after God all these things are meaningless. And this is why the church is in the state it is – far from truth and full of starving souls trapped in deception. Few seek to know God in His Word and trust Him to teach them about Him, but this is what He desires of us. And this is the path to true life.

Seeking God starts by abiding in His Word, one-on-one. The Bible is His Words to us. It peeks into His will, purpose, character, and heart drawing us closer to Him. Once we are building upon the foundation of His Word in our lives, not some other man’s truth or interpretation, then all our other actions are molded in His truth – prayer, worship, fellowship, meditation, and so on. Otherwise all we do is established upon sand and not the Rock.

God made it simple for us – seek Him, and He will take care of the rest Matthew 6:33. Who or what are you truly seeking? Now is the time for the deep honest reflection because those seeking Bethel will be lead astray because they are following man not God. Jeremiah 50:6

Hebrews 11:6 But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.


Mom and Me

Mom and Me

One of a Kind Relationship

In reflection of Mother’s Day yesterday, I want to share with you one of my most cherished relationships, the friendship I have with my mother – a one of a kind.

My Mom and Me

My Mom and Me

Over the years, my mom has become not only one of my most adored friends, but also she understands me more than most. In Social Intelligence, Daniel Goleman talks about how children take on characteristics of their parents – it is fascinating. He explains the neuroscience behind what I have experienced in my relationship with my mom. She and I share not only similar traits but similar “issues”. Her struggles are very similar to mine because as a child I developed in her reflection.

This mirroring is a great blessing because I have someone close to me, whose love abounds toward me, who I can be completely vulnerable with, and who understands!! There is no glazing over of eyes, but a depth that says, yes I know, wrapped in abundant love, not judgment or disapproval. We truly have shared in each others pain, because we both have experienced it in varying degrees. Because of our similarities we are a tremendous support, encouragement and comfort to one another. There is no one who can take her place, because no one understands what I face like she does, and vice versa.

I wish this relationship for everyone because the intimacy is precious and unique. However, I think many don’t because they have resentment toward their mothers (like I once had) or they can’t accept their imperfections; because it is too hard to admit that they may be a bit like their parents. Often the traits we don’t like about others are the traits we don’t like about ourselves – whether we are conscious of it or not. As a result, we keep at a distance from seeking to really know and understand our mothers. When I was younger I convinced myself I was nothing like my mom. I resented certain ways that she was. What a fool I was on many levels. Only when I was open to all that she was did I really begin to learn about her and thus about me and the healing began in our relationship and in us.

I am my mother’s daughter. I am a part of her.

Interestingly, when I accepted that we shared similar issues that is when the healing began. As long as we suppress and deny our inner “stuff” the more it grows and festers. Healing comes with acknowledgement. First you have to acknowledge the problem before it can be fixed. I think God created this mirroring affect with our parents so that we have a built in reflection of ourselves, support, encouragement and someone to help us grow past out issues.

If there are things about your mom you don’t like. Take a closer examination. Perhaps there is some of her issues in you that you need to acknowledge so you can grow past them. And once you realize that it is okay to share in those vulnerabilities, then the healing begins and the journey to freedom can be shared with a woman who understands more than anyone else. And in the process a sweet intimacy is created unlike any other.


Lost Art of Reflection

Lost Art of Reflection


Journaling = connecting and listening to your inner life.

In this busy world, who has time to sit down and reflect on life? Most people don’t. We obsess about things (now we were treated, worrying about the future, children, marriages, work and so on) as we busily try to get through the day, but that isn’t reflection. That obsessive mind talk is our soul creating mayhem because we haven’t given it time to truly process what is going on.

This world has moved far from God’s truth. With our self-wills running wild without the truth to guide us, we are creating all kinds of evil, madness, and out of control behaviors. And one is a busyness and lifestyle so consuming that we have no time to engage in the art of reflection; an art that brings harmony, centeredness, and truth to our lives. A life of reflection is a vital aspect of spiritual health.

The art of reflection is taking time to journal. Why journal? Because for most of us when we think without the guidance and focus of a pen or a keyboard our minds wander so that we can’t complete the thought we started with. Writing guides and grounds our thoughts. It puts a thought in a form we can grab a hold of and contemplate. Without the pen, we end up with a mind swarming with broken and uncompleted thoughts. Journaling allows a thorough reflection of what’s going on in our spirits and how the outside world, circumstances and people are affecting us and how we are affecting others. It allows us to process what is going on, to reflect and mediate on it. We start to see ourselves, others and situations from a clearer perspective – and when we dwell in the presence of God we see more inline with the truth. For Christians the act of reflection is extremely powerful because it isn’t just us trying to work out what is happening in our inner world, but we have the spirit of truth, the spirit of God, searching our depths and giving us the ability to see the truth.

In his book, “Ordering your Private world”, Gordon MacDonald realized how journaling helped him to come “to grips with an enormous part of his inner person that he had never been fully honest about.” I found this very true in my own life. There have been numerous times when I have sat down to write in my journal that I gained tremendous insights into myself and my situations. I thought an issue was about one thing and it ended up being about something else. Sometimes it amazes me what is truly going on in my soul, and I often wonder where I would be if I hadn’t taken the time to stop and reflect. I would probably still be trapped in my old ways of thinking and acting in a stupor and that means doing things I wish I hadn’t and creating a life I didn’t want. Once aware of the truth then we can act and respond in a way that fosters truth and life and not lies and death.

Journaling within the presence of God brings truth and thus freedom and true life to our lives. It is a time of quiet and focus which allows us to hear not only ourselves but the spirit of God dwelling in us shedding light, wisdom and truth into our souls.

If you don’t journal or haven’t in a long time, now is the time to start.