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Tag Archives: Christian love


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Connecting to Others’ Souls

Pets seem to be very in tune with us – more than most people.

It fascinates me how my two cats respond to my real thoughts or emotions. Despite my outward persona, it is my inner rhythm that they are connected to. What I truly think and feel impacts their actions. It is incredible.

Malcolm, my male Ragdoll kitten, was keeping his distance from me, and I thought that he just didn’t want my affection like his sister, Sophie. No big deal, they are just different. However, after a conversation with my brother, an animal lover, I realized that thought was causing him to keep his distance. At that moment I changed. Instead I thought – he wants my affection just as much as Sophie. Almost immediately he acted differently; hanging around me, wanting to be picked up, and cuddling with me. Since then our relationship has been totally different – and needless to say much more satisfying for both of us. And all I did was change my thinking.

Our thinking affects our attitude, emotions, temperament, and actions. It is the sum of these that others pick up on. In speaking to others, 70% of our communication is non-verbal, so most of what we say is what we don’t. Others obviously don’t know what we think, but what we think affects what they receive from us. Our thoughts are very important. If we change them then it affects everything else. I think this is why Paul told us to meditate on things that are true, noble, just, pure, lovely, good report, virtuous, and praiseworthy. Philippians 4:8, 1 Timothy 4:15

Our thinking impacts how people respond to us because it is the source to what we put out. To connect with others on a deeper level we need to be aware of our thoughts toward them and if they are hindering or helping, and second we need to be willing to look past their exterior to what is really going on.

The other day I was feeling a bit down. Malcolm tuned into how I was feeling and followed me around and sat down with me on the sofa. His affection was a bit different than normal – he knew I was upset even if it was subtle. Pets are amazing animals. For those who have a good relationship with them you know what a comfort they can be. Maybe I’m reading too much into it, but when I talk to other pet owners they experience similar interactions. They seem to pick up what’s beneath the exterior.

If we do these two things, attend to our thoughts and look beyond the exterior, a more meaningful connection can be established with others.

However, there are things that can interfere with looking beyond the exterior.

Often we have so much of our own stuff in the way preventing us from truly focusing on someone else. Fear, self-focus, pride, unforgiveness, living in the past, and worried about the future all affect our ability to be fully engaged in the moment and love others in such a compassionate and real way. And often when we do pick up on what is going on underneath we don’t respond to it for various reasons – at least I don’t.

Imagine if we were in tune and responsive to one another like our pets. . . how different our relationships would be? We wouldn’t respond to each others masks or defense mechanisms; we would look into the soul and respond accordingly. Several years ago, Larry Crabb wrote a book, Soul Talk. It was about connecting and talking to others at this deeper level. It is a great concept, but I have found it is easier said than done. Focusing on my self, how I am perceived, trying to please others, fear of rejection, reacting to the surface level of defense mechanisms that anger and hurt me, and pride all get in the way. But interestingly, as I abide in God’s truth and He frees me from my own issues and fills me with His love, I am finding that looking past the exterior is coming naturally.

We are here to love God and love others Luke 10:27 – if we aren’t clued into each other’s deeper needs then we can’t love and have compassion like we could otherwise.

Malcolm & Sophie

Malcolm & Sophie


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If Love Me, Keep my Commandments

If Love Me, Keep my Commandments

 

John 14:15 If you love Me, keep My commandments.

Obedience for a believer who is growing in the knowledge and grace of God is more of a desire than obedience. If you are born of God and abiding in His Word, your desire to do His will is strengthening because you are growing in love with Him.

It is important to recognize the ones maturing are the ones who experience this desire and not the burden of obedience. Many Christians aren’t growing and still think and act like carnal men. Therefore deep down they don’t desire the ways of God. They may act certain ways because they feel they have to but it is out of pure obedience and not love. Romans 8:7 What they have is a religion of rules and not a relationship of love. They lack a strong inner spirit to walk as a free spiritual being who isn’t rule bound but love bound. 1 John 2:5 Unfortunately, those rule bound people who think they are mature can be quite destructive and misleading to others about what the Christian faith is all about.

Kids are given the rule, don’t run into the street, because they can’t yet grasp the deeper truth that running into the street means you might get killed. It is the same with an immature spirit – all they can grasp are rules so they cling to them. But staying in this condition isn’t what God intended when He sent Christ to us. God desires a bride in love with Him and following Him because of love not a maidservant following the rules because that is what you should do.

This is why in the verse above love comes first. Obedience as God desires, with our hearts not just our actions, has to come from love not brute discipline. When we love Him, we want to follow Him.

Because Christ stands in our place, we have completely fulfilled the law now and always as He did. Covered in grace, we could go about sinning – however if you are truly born of God that isn’t your desire. Romans 6:14-16 You desire what God does because now you are a part of Him. God took care of our sin at the cross. Being free from the judgment of sin, the lessons of our lives are about walking in God’s will because that fosters intimacy and love with Him. He teaches and leads us down paths to accomplish that closeness; paths that instruct us what is His way and what isn’t. When He reveals a path we are walking that is counter to His, it isn’t to condemn us we have already been judged in Christ – it is to lead us closer to Him because sin distances us from being united to Him in truth, love and will.

And at its core, His will is about love, loving Him and loving others. Every command of God is what it is because that is the most loving thing to do. As a maturing believer you desire to grow in love – not a love of this world but a love beyond what we as flesh humans are capable of. John said that by our love others would know we are His – that means it is a love that mere men aren’t capable of giving – otherwise why would it set us apart? John 13:35

God’s love is much greater than ours. Most of us assume we know what love is, but what we know is a tainted version of His. We have to seek what is true love and what isn’t. And from what I am learning it is beyond what I ever considered as loving. The extent of His love – just the purity and selflessness alone and what that looks like in my day to day – is amazing. As you grow in love you begin to understand the depth and the reasons behind His commands and you desire to walk in them.

If you love God you want to do His commands of love therefore they aren’t burdensome. 1 John 5:3 If you want to do something it isn’t a burden but a joy. This is the experience for those spiritually maturing. It isn’t about following the law, trying to be perfect, or following some rules. It is about seeking God’s heart in each situation with a desire to love others with the power of His love flowing through you. You aren’t focused on following rules. You understand that Christ is your righteousness so you cease from trying to earn your own. You do what you do because you want to. And the closer we draw near to God the more this desire grows.

Since I started seeking God, I have seen this transformation in myself. It doesn’t happen over night it is a process of growing in love with Him by spending time with Him. From that time comes a true desire to follow Him. I want to do His will. It isn’t that I’m not tempted. I am. We all get blindsided by our Mr. Hyde personas – but the Spirit waves a flag shows me how that isn’t the most loving thing to do and I think oh, yeah, I don’t want to do that.

If we love God then we will obey Him because we desire to abide in His love. John 15:10


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The “Energy” We Project

The “Energy” We Project

Sofi & Malcom

Sophie & Malcolm

This past week we got two Ragdolls kittens . . . adorable does not suffice to describe them and any picture doesn’t do them justice.

Now that we are pet owners we have been taping episodes of Dog Whisper. I know they are cats, but Cesar Millian, the Dog whisper, has fantastic insights into animals in general. The other day he delivered another one – animals respond to our energy, period.

Every living thing responds to our energy – plants, animals, and people. The energy we put off is the key to healthy plants, sweet loving pets, and good relationships.

The Bible teaches us this same truth but it instead of energy it describes this soulful projective power as heart. If our heart is hateful, negative, critical, judgmental, resentful, fearful, or anxious that is what people will feel and respond to regardless of what we say or do. If it is full of truth, love, understanding, forgiveness, mercy, peace, and calm that is what others will feel and respond to. People react to what we project from our heart, not so much our words or actions. Therefore, our heart or energy affects the outcome of our interactions.

Consider for a moment the ripple effect of this underlining constant dynamic in our families, our marriages, at work, and with our children. Often the problem in our relationships is what we are communicating when we are just standing there without saying a word.

For example, how many times has someone said or did the right thing but you knew he or she felt negatively about you? People can’t hide their true colors. We may not know exactly what they think but we can sense the hypocrisy of their words and actions. We can’t stand when others do this to us, but yet we do it all the time.

Because the state of our heart affects us and everything around us, it is what matters above all to God. Remember the sum of all commandments? Love God then others. Love comes from the heart. If we are bound by rules and force goodness then we are a negative testimony to the love of God. We actually do more harm than good. We are to love from the heart not wear valentine masks painted in red and pink. And God is the only one to make our love toward others increase and abound. Unfortunately many think it is in their power and duty to manifest love.

1 Thessalonians 3:12 And may the Lord make you increase and abound in love to one another and to all, just as we do to you

Christianity is all about love and love flows from the heart. That is why He gives us a new heart. He doesn’t repair the old, but replaces it for one that is a part of Him and capable of giving His pure love grounded in truth. However this heart starts small and needs nourishment in His Word to grow. When it does and we begin to live from the heart of the spirit and not the flesh then that pure love manifests relationships as they were intended to be whether with Him or others.

Our important role is to seek God’s love by abiding in His Word and wait for His work in us. If we don’t seek and ask we don’t receive. If we force it or try to fake it we end up being the worse hypocrites of all – professing God’s love and giving a warped decrepit version of our own.

If we seek God’s love then in time little by little it will consume our lives. It is a process that takes time and there is nothing instant about it from my experience. It takes time to know God and to cultivate a relationship of trust so we can truly surrender our lives. Then we can yield to Him, be filled with Him, and let down our walls to let His love flow through us and out to others.

It is better to admit we are a work in progress than be a counterfeit. Because people feel our hearts, if we try to pretend and neglect to wait on His true love our testimony of who God is destroyed. We end up pushing people away from God instead of toward Him.

Abide in Him and wait for God to truly transform you so that your words and actions come from a place of love. If you want love then spend time with the One who is the source of true love. We need a new thriving heart of Him to experience any true change otherwise we are putting perfume on a stinking corpse. Waiting is hard, but when you begin to see a real difference in your soul your praise will be true and glorifying to God. Then when people experience your love there will be no doubt your love is of God and not you. His love is the most important and best energy we can project.


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The Power of Confession

 The Power of Confession

 

A while ago, my mom and I had a heart to heart discussing some of our deepest wounds. It wasn’t meant to be a confession, though that is exactly what it was. We were simply being honest and open about issues we face and how they impacted each other and sometimes still do.

Recently, my husband and I had a similar conversation. Again, it wasn’t meant to be a confession, we were just being transparent about pains and weaknesses and how they affect each other. Like the conversation with my mom, our talk was liberating on many levels. We had confessed our shortcomings to God many times, and told each other sorry for things we had done, but when we exposed the depths of our souls and our own pain that caused pain in each other; it took healing to a new level and brought us closer. Through our words, love abounded and pain receded.

The freedom and restoration I experienced from these two encounters got me thinking about the power of confession. Both conversations encompassed deep wounds and I am discovering the deeper the pain the more restorative the confession. Usually we are scratching the surface when we tell someone we are sorry, but when we pour out our souls to another in love it is truly powerful.

James 5:16 Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.

When and why is confession between two people so powerful that it heals years of pain? When it is grounded and flows from love. As for the why, there are many reasons it is powerful, but here are three.

1. Vulnerability in confession communicates the extent of our love for someone. A heart of confession is open, honest, contrite, humble, and doesn’t care just about itself but also others. When we are willing to be naked, vulnerable, weak and to set our pride aside it reveals our love for the other person. If we didn’t love them we wouldn’t be willing to be so open and exposed. Our willingness to unveil our souls is powerful because it infuses truth and love into the relationship

2. Words have power. Created in God’s image our words have tremendous power. They can heal or damage. Openly stating that we have caused hurt, though often unintentionally, frees and heals the hearer. Confessions are words of love, which are more potent than words of pain.

3. Truth manifests love. The more we see and know about ourselves and others in the light of God’s truth, the more we can truly love. Knowledge brings understanding which fosters love, which sets us free.

We are made to love and for that reason most of what we do involves others including our healing and theirs. Philippians 2:4 Confession is just as much about the other person as it is about us. God may know, we may know but they don’t know our heart until we speak it. When we put our pride aside, acknowledge the pain we feel and caused we love. The reward is two-fold; we are more fully freed and healed from our brokenness and so are they. Even if others aren’t ready to confess their part in creating pain, the love we show will help heal their brokenness and put them on a path of being able to face their own pain and the pain they caused.

Confession doesn’t promise something similar won’t happen again. It expresses our hearts that we don’t desire to hurt. We are human and putting off our old self and living in the new life is a process. Letting others see into our hearts to know that we desire to give love not pain covers a multitude of sins.