Living Light

Stirring The Deep


My Sincere Apologies

My Sincere Apologies


I deeply apologize to subjecting you all to the harassing comments of others; recently and in the past. I let it go on too long in each case, and for this I greatly apologize. It’s always my hope that people will see the incredible truth of the divine love of God; for all that it does in and for us, and throughout creation. In that hope, I mistakenly let inappropriate behavior continue when I shouldn’t have. So again I deeply apologize to you all.

I desire for this to be a place where we can bring up what is on our mind without feeling it or we will be attacked. To grow spiritually and in truth, we have to explore what we feel we are learning and the questions we have. And in many areas and venues this openness isn’t welcomed because fear, control and judgment. And I’m sorry I let the immaturity of others affect this venue. To question is important. To question the status quo of the mainstream belief systems is important. It’s an essential part to learning the Truth. So, I desire for this to be a place free from the ill treatment of others, that shuts us down instead of opens us up.

So, I’m going to be moderating the comments. I feel this protects your ability to feel free to comment without being harassed. I will post all comments whether in agreement with me or not, as long as they are honoring. Otherwise, it only causes harm. I’ll do my best to respond to your comments. This new format will also help me to form a consistency in responding.

For those who have said disparaging words that harm instead of help, I truly desire their highest good, as I do for all. For if one suffers we all suffer. I ask that they all, we all, are consumed in the divine love of our Creator, for this is what heals, renews, and refashions our souls into his likeness; which we all need. It’s the power and essence of life. There is a way for each one of us to come into this awareness. And I trust our faithful loving Creator to create that way in each of our lives.

I believe one day we will be united by divine love, as God will be all in all. He is love. He is sovereign. He is the Creator. He will fashion every soul perfectly in his love. So I desire only the highest good for all. I see our Creator’s love and it beyond powerful. I wait for the Day of Victory when we all see it reflected in our reality, because it has become a part of our soul’s inherent expression.




Reflections on my Brother’s Transition

Reflections on my Brother’s Transition





On my parents’ pond, this very rare and extraordinary sighting of a white pelican occurred two days after John’s funeral. A creation whose symbolism reflects John’s character and likeness.

It’s been almost eight months since my younger brother transitioned to the place beyond the flesh. I don’t like to use the word death, because he isn’t dead to me, but his soul and the spirit it exudes lives on. The word “passing” is a close second to death, so the word “transition” best fits what I feel to be true of his state. Though, I can’t see him with my physical eyes, my soul feels the closeness of his spirit. It’s like he is in another dimension that sits right up next to this one; a dimension that our physical can’t touch, but our soul can engage.

So, I talk to him. I don’t shut down our connection as dead, but keep our connection alive in love and acceptance of how we are today. I tell him I love him. It seems I can’t tell him this enough even though I know he knows it. I tell him how I feel that I let him down in so many ways, yet the moment those thoughts arise I’m reminded of how I have an eternity to make it up to him. Though I feel this way, I sense his spirit has only love for me, and appreciates what I did give; knowing it was the best I could do at any given time; that is John. He is able to see into others.

Though I sense he feels the depth of my love, I still wish I loved him better while he was here. And through that desire, I’ve learned many lessons. Though I can see how I could have been a better sister, a better friend, I don’t possess any guilt. It’s not about guilt, but about learning from everything and growing. So, I desire, with great mercy and grace, to live in my increased awareness of all he has taught me and continues to teach me.

Though guilt may be an initial reaction to seeing the error of our ways, I’ve learned if I stay in guilt, it keeps me from growing while releasing guilt opens me to learning. Guilt confines me to a reality of a negative effect or outcome, versus growing from my experience and what it intended to give me, and living in that enhanced reality. Because of this, my reflections of John are teaching me a lot. I seek to live in the expanded awareness as I try to carry these lessons forward. I feel this honors him and his transition process.

Love never dies. I heard this over and over the week of his transition. To me, it means the connection between us can never end, wherever we are, because it is sown in an intention of pure love. Perhaps my actions weren’t reflective of the love I feel, but I realize that is part of the plight in this brief reality. A pure and true love is the energetic life force of eternity. It can’t die. If it dies, it was something else.

So our connection is alive and active. I sense his spirit. Through this interaction, I “see” him more clearly now. I see him in ways I didn’t when he was here. I wish I had this vision while he was here, but thankful to possess it now.

For me, continuing to interact with my brother is a blessing to him and me. It isn’t holding on to the past, but engaging him as he is now, and I’ve learned that being current is an essential part of this connection; otherwise I’m connecting to a lifeless image. It’s different in that it’s purely soul to soul, but the connection between us lives. I feel it’s important for him and me that I honor his journey as he moves on to the next stage. Yet, that doesn’t mean letting go of our relationship or connection. But it does mean that I emotionally let him move on to his next stage of his soulful journey by not wanting back the past. Growth, though erratic in going forwards and backwards, comes from a willingness to always go forwards.

For John, I sense that for him to feel our active connection is nurturing to him, because I honor his new place. Yes, I miss his presence. But, I want him to prosper and grow in his new environment; whatever that means. So my heart stays connected to him and supports him fully where he is. I think to strongly want back those who have gone through this transition has a negative pull on them. It certainly seems to have one on us. Perhaps if it is negative, then they don’t feel it. But either way, I feel it’s important to set them free in this way, yet continue to lovingly give our support, for their soul lives on.

When we have a pure love for someone we emotionally allow them to move forward. If we don’t, there is an unhealthy attachment in the relationship, which is something for us to work through.

Because of this understanding of our living connection, I’m exploring a new territory. I’m not only talking to him, but also learning to listen. If our souls are connected because love never dies, then perhaps it’s possible that I can not only sense him, but take it a step further and hear him.

With the Spirit of Truth, my soul is like a receiver that picks up a thought impression of his and I record it. I hear the essence of what he is sharing and write it in my words, if that makes sense. Therefore, I use my words to express his thoughts. From this soul connection I’ve experienced with the Spirit of Truth and the many confirmations of this interaction, I’m wondering if this dynamic can occur with John as well; for love never dies, thus the soul connection of that love.

Allowing myself to sense John’s presence has brought me to deeper levels of compassion, understanding, and an expanding awareness of the shades of love. So, will I be able to go to this next level? I feel compelled at times to do so, so I follow that prompting. I’m exploring this new connection with the caveat of always desiring to stay in the truth, yet always willing to learn.

Regardless, I hold him close. John transitioned, but his soul is very much alive to me. In a pure and true love, our connection remains intact whatever dimension we are in. I let him be free to be where he is. I honor his new form by relating to him as he is. I continue to love him, and with all I’ve learned, more so. I talk to him, I seek to attune to his spirit, and I honor his new life. Love never dies. I take the lessons I am learning from experiencing his life and transition and seek to live in them, which honors him, his life, and ultimately all.



A Living Legacy of Loving Kindness

A Living Legacy of Loving Kindness




This legacy is what my beloved younger brother left behind when he exited this physical realm 15 days ago on February 11, 2015.

Since his unexpected passing, though waves of great sadness roll over me, my heart continues to feel his love pouring into it. How can that be?

As the shock waves dissipate, I’m being blessed in seeing some beautiful reflections; aspects of the purpose and meaning of his life, the interwoven design of all things, the hearts of those whose care, prayers, and support provide ethereal arms to carry those who knew and love John through this time of transition, and the love and care that flows through our family.

John Michael is a very special soul. He is numbered among the precious souls who never lose the unconditional touch of love from childhood. They continue to give this special love all their lives as it expands into a love that exudes honor, loyalty, integrity, trustworthiness, mercy, good-will, honesty, kindness, gentleness, and courage. We feel loved, valued and special in their presence no matter who we are, for this love holds no prejudice. They are son-kissed souls who help us along our soul journey through the trials of this temporary sojourn. They serve a special role that is an exceedingly great gift to those who are blessed to dwell in their reflection. We often call them “our angels”. These souls, who give us a love that always lifts us up, are like refreshing springs along our earthbound pilgrimage. And for their love, they are greatly loved.

Several of my close friends have also been blessed with such a brother, and like me their brothers were un-expectantly taken in the youthfulness of life. Yet, the gifts of loving-kindness they gave during their shortened days continue to pour forth; for love never dies.

Throughout these 15 days, I have continually heard from within, “love never dies”. Love, with all of its characteristics, is the one aspect of this reality that never dies. It transcends space and time because it is the character of eternity and immortality. When a connection is made between two souls in a pure love, this connection remains intact even when one exits the physical realm. It is a connection that crosses all barriers. I learned this concept in theory, but now I’m experiencing it in my reality. My beloved brother is the first person who I’ve been close to that I’ve been separated from in what we call “death”. Yet, it’s only a physical separation, because the connection formed in our souls remains, and this teaches me that even “death” can’t destroy love. Thus love is what overcomes death.

Throughout the past couple of weeks, I’ve seen markings of a pattern and design pointing to a higher purpose for his early exit. Their interwoven nature reveal a much greater plan and purpose that we are all a part of. Being able to see this is an exceedingly great comfort to me. It’s incredible and I’m extremely grateful for the eyes to see. So though I feel sadness because of my deep love for John, its buffed by a continual expansion of a greater awareness that there is more to the story, for love never dies.

John = “Jehovah is a gracious giver”

Michael = “who is like God”

In so many ways John Michael fulfilled the meaning of his name. And in doing so he left a living legacy that continues to give.

John’s funeral “happened” to be upon Valentines Day, and how fitting because his life portrayed a brotherly love to those he knew. One may think I’m biased in my words, as I am an adoring sister, until you hear the stories and witness the impact his life had on others. His character shined brightly to those who knew him.

John subtlety deposited seeds of a pure love in the hearts of others. The stories and impact of his life upon others reveals this over and over. The seeds were experienced in the non-judgment, honor, and value they received from him. These were gifts to strengthen us along our soul journey through this trying place, a place that challenges and refines our own love. For me, it seems like the seed he gave me is blooming in a way it hasn’t before. It is opening up passage ways in which my love can flow that were once blocked. I’m seeing love’s reflections in new ways. Though my awareness also grows in seeing my lack of expressions of love, his love inspires me. He casts a beautiful reflection upon my soul that encourages me to never give up on love, for it is the essence of true life. This is his living legacy. It continues to give; for love never dies.

The other day as I reflected upon his life, I wish I had loved him better. But I was reminded by that still small voice from within that this life isn’t about living perfectly, for its impossible, but to learn about the perfection of love. But still I wish I expressed my love to him more.


(I love this picture, to me it reveals the connectedness in our souls.)

John is a skilled horseman, marksman, and craftsman. He was a carpenter by trade. He lived this life in the purest of “religion”; to love others as you want to be loved. Though I don’t think he necessarily tried to live this, he just did, as one of a true love would. From the time he was a young child he possessed sensitivity to the souls of others that enabled him to “see” them and connect to them. He disdained conflict and sought peace and unity. He possessed a calm and peaceful demeanor until someone mistreated one he cared for. Even then he showed restraint when needed. He never forced his opinion or ways upon another. He protected and watched over those he loved. My life is peppered with stories about his protection overshadowing me. And he wove his special love into our family that connected and blessed us all.

John only wanted to see smiles and no tears. As my own tears flowed from my deep love for him these past weeks, I told him that I know he doesn’t like to see my cry, but I just love him so much. He understands. But he also taught me the balance of holding a cherished remembrance of one who is passed, and continuing to move forward because there are others who need your affections. He always possessed wisdom beyond his years, and I often told him he was more soulfully mature than the rest of us. He is a special soul; he is a son-kissed soul.

From the moment he was born, he was connected to me in a pure and sacred place in my heart. And from his childhood, I called him my angel, and I’ll continue to; for now he possess a freedom of spirit in which he can do and give far more than what he did when bound to a physical body. His soul journey continues on and how blessed are those souls he encounters. In his physical form he gave me a strength and comfort amongst the trials of life, and I know he will continue to do so for love never dies. But I so deeply miss those big ole hugs.

I love you so very much John.




“Marriage” with God

“Marriage” with God

Seek the Lord and His strength; Seek His face evermore! Psalm 105:4

A true union, marriage, with God comes from seeking Him in truth and Spirit. Romans 7:4 God tells us to seek Him. The purpose of seeking God is to know Him as He is so we can trust and walk in His will so that ultimately we are one with God in love. That oneness is eternal life. The goal of our faith is to become deeply connected to God and seeking is what makes that relationship a reality. God calls us His bride, we know that means to desire Him and be with Him like one we love, but to understand more closely the nature of our union with God, let’s dive into the heart of a good marriage.

A man and a woman dwell together in a bond fused by intimate knowledge, solid trust and boundless love. They are singularly committed to one another in this passionate union. She knows when he needs a comforting touch with his favorite meal, what outfit ignites his passion, and when he needs down time with a pizza and football game. He knows what dress always fits just right, when to listen and not advise, and the importance of one more pair of shoes. Held in the space between them is the delicacy of family dynamics, the secrets that give a mischievous smile, and the irritations that push all the wrong buttons. Protected in sensitive awareness are vulnerabilities, weaknesses, and challenges. Hopes, dreams, and aspirations are shared and supported. These are the valuables that pass between a husband and wife. This closeness and openness is possible because they know each other enough to trust one another with the most guarded parts of their souls. A trust that knows they won’t deliberately harm or hurt one another and that they are accepted, safe and protected. They have faith in one another because they know one another and in the midst of this closeness true love blossoms in their hearts.

Now, consider your marriage with God. You dwell together within His kingdom because His truth is in your heart. He is in you and you are in Him. He gives you His life, and you give yours. Your souls are knit together by the interlocking of knowledge, trust and love. The deepest mysteries and truths are shared between you; thoughts, dreams, desires, hopes, and promises. Guarded in a protective embrace are your life and His truth. Love and delight for one another fills your hearts. You abide in His Word and He transforms your soul. Under the care of His love, He tends to your needs, concerns, weaknesses and fears. You call out to Him and He hears you, and He speaks and you listen. You cling to Him because He is your life and He loves you because you are His bride. This picture is a slice of what a marriage looks like to God.

What we are in search for is this personal, passionate connection with God. It’s manifested from the interplay of knowledge, trust and love. Both the example of an earthly marriage and our marriage to God contains these three characteristics and without them the bond would not exist. Seeking brings knowledge. With knowledge comes trust. Trust is a prerequisite in a relationship like marriage where there is a high degree of intimacy.

Psalm 9:10 “And those who know Your name will put their trust in You; For You, Lord, have not forsaken those who seek You”

Finally trust leads to love, the goal of our quest. Love is the motivation and the desired outcome of any intimate relationship. Love cares, gives, forgives, heals, restores, hopes and endures. It is selfless, humble, longsuffering, gentle, and kind. Love is based on truth, faithfulness, devotion and loyalty. It is this attribute that defines all other truths. Dwelling in God’s love far exceeds the experience of any earthly expression and seeking for it is unlike anything we have experienced before. It is a pure, consuming, transforming, and powerful. When we abide in God and Him in us, we possess this true love to know and give.

Seeking is our means to this union because it leads to knowing. Knowledge fosters trust which enables us to live the life God has called us to live in Him; a life of abiding in His love, the sum of all His desires for us. He wants to get under our skin and we under His to the point that we are enraptured by His presence. To consider this deeply is astounding, and this is God’s desire for us.

God loves you, what will be your response to that love?


Unequally Yoked with Another

Unequally Yoked with Another


Once we truly set out to seek God with all our heart, mind and soul we start to change. We are drawing ever close to the presence of God. More of who God is, is filling our lives. His Spirit is working and molding us inside out. 2 Corinthians 3:18

One area this transformation in our souls becomes apparent is with relationships with non-believers. When we are truly born of God and growing in our new life in Him, these relationships change. It’s more than engaging in different behaviors. It’s more than having a different focus, direction, and mind-set. It’s more than having different values, though all these come into play. There is a divergence occurring on the deepest level of our being.

2 Corinthians 6:14 Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?

At the core, believers and non-believers are dwelling in different places; one in Christ the other not. One is growing in truth and love, the other is not. Only from God comes truth and love. Only by being connected to Him can we truly know these. One is an eternal living being and the other is not.

Though a believer’s love for non-believers grows as they draw near to God, the ability to deeply connect begins to wane. A true believer and a non-believer can’t be truly yoked. Being yoked is connecting to others on a deep level within our souls. We connect when we are in a similar place internally. When we connect at this level, there is a powerful depth and intimacy that is shared. There is a special connection that is made and each life is greatly influenced by the other. Yoking is what we desire in our marriages and our closest friendships. It’s a deep connection between two souls.

Recently, I learned a great lesson in unequal yoking. I have a friend from my days prior to having a relationship with God. I called myself a Christian. I presumed I was saved, but I didn’t seek God. I didn’t walk with Him. During that time in my life though she was a non-believer, we were in a similar place internally and our souls became yoked.

As I started to seek God and His ways, a gap between her and I started to form. Our relationship became strained because I was no longer where I used to be – in that internal place where we so strongly connected. The spiritual battle in our relationship grew. You could feel the underlining tension as the gap widened. My love for her didn’t fade, but my ability to connect with her as I once had did.

For months, I didn’t understand what was happening. I prayed for our friendship. I tried to nurture our connection. I thought it was a phase. Then one day as I was praying for counsel in this relationship, the Holy Spirit cut through the whirlwind in my head as I tried to get my mind around what was happening and impressed upon me the verse above. We were unequally yoked. I can’t be how I once was with her. The love remains, but our deeper connection is gone.

The Holy Spirit simply told me what had already happened and what I knew deep down – our connection as it once existed was gone – the yoke was broken. I needed to accept it for what it was and let go.

The connection between a true believer and non-believer is limited. They are simply in two different places spiritually. It doesn’t mean we can’t have relationships with non-believers. It means that it will only be at a certain level, and should be at a certain level. We shouldn’t be trying to form a “yoke”. We can be very blessed by relationships with all kinds of people of all walks of life. However, when it comes down to connecting with others at the depth of our soul, being yoked, we are to focus on connections with believers. With non-believers we can only connect so much, there will always be a gap as there is between life and death. And what communion has light with darkness?

For your relationships with non-believers, seek God’s will for you and them. Sometimes we have to let go. Sometimes we have to embrace the limitations. Sometimes we have to reconnect at a different level.