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Author Archives: Rachel


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Left Standing – Ashamed or Glorified?

Left Standing …

Ashamed or Glorified?

When the purity of God’s truth invades our souls it exposes our true beliefs.

After spending a couple years of consistent time one-one-one with God in His Word, I had a life/spirit changing awareness about myself. I realized most of what I believed about Christianity was based on other’s words. Therefore the source of my trust was in others not God, which meant my confidence was in them. Up to that point I assumed I trusted God, but when prompted to take a closer look by God’s Spirit searching in my soul I found a different reality.

As I examined where my truth came from, who and where I went to hear and know truth, it was all centered around others and their words. True their words were supposedly based on God’s truth, but it was still their interpretations and opinions about God’s Word. Along with the multitude of warnings in the Bible about not trusting in others, but God, at that moment I set out to seek God and His truth from Him. Over the years, God has been an incredible and faithful Teacher about Himself. It seems I talk a lot about trust in my blogs, but who we really trust is the core of our faith. It affects everything.

I’ve been reading through Jeremiah and Revelations, some heavy books to say the least, yet amazingly rich. The verses below jumped off the page reminding of this awakening I had some time ago about my belief system, and reminding me to daily examine my beliefs in light of His truth because other’s philosophies can easily creep in unnoticed. 2 Corinthians 10:5

Jeremiah 48:13b “As the house of Israel was ashamed of Bethel (house of God), their confidence.”

Jeremiah 48:7 “For because you have trusted in your works and your treasures, You also shall be taken. And Chemosh shall go forth into captivity, His priests and his princes together.”

Verses like these are what compelled me to a paradigm shift in my beliefs – seeking truth directly from God. If we take time to pause, these verses prod each one of us into a deep self-examination, Who do you trust REALLY?

Who do you trust for spiritual protection? Church, or God Psalm 18:30

Who is your shepherd? Church, or God. Ezekiel 34:23

Where/Who do you go to be fed (spiritual nourishment)? Church or God 1 John 2:27

Where do you learn about God? Church or God Jeremiah 31:33

Where do you learn about truth? Church or God 2 Peter 3:16-18

Who do you trust for the surety of your salvation? Church or God Hebrews 7:22, Proverbs 11:15

If we chose the first option – our trust and confidence is in the wrong place.

Many of us need to take an honest look at our spiritual lives – is the source of trust the church and others or God? And if it is the church (Bethel or House of God), then one day, as Jeremiah says, we will experience great shame for that trust, because we should have been trusting God. If it is God then we will stand with Him glorifying Him with our lives.

We all trust ourselves, the wisdom of the world and others in areas where we should be trusting God, but the question is – are we seeking God and spending time with Him so that our trust will be in Him alone? One reason for the multitude of denominations is that people are really following a multitude of different teachers and not the Teacher – one area of great misplaced trust. Matthew 23:10, 2 Timothy 4:3 A teacher’s role is to teach us to learn of God from God. I see very few actually giving this type of instruction. Most of them are spoon feeding us what they call truth, but it is their point of view from where they are on their spiritual journey. It may or may not be truth, and according to the vast warnings in God’s Word most aren’t teaching truth. Fellowship is great for sharing insights but the source of our truth, our Teacher is to be God.

God is to be the source of our trust. When He is it means we go to Him directly, to the Bible which is His words, to Him in prayer, to Him in stillness to hear His voice. He calls us to come to Him one-on-one with the Spirit as our mediator not man. Jesus came not to bring another religion but a relationship – an intimate personal relationship with our Father where we commune with Him one-on-one. So many have neglected cultivating this intimacy and will fall for it. Most have lost or never had a love for the truth, and will be lead astray. 2 Thessalonians 2:10 If you love the truth – you want to dwell in it daily, seek out its mysteries, live by it, and dedicate time to abiding in it.

Don’t give your life, your beliefs over to another. Don’t be one of those who stands ashamed at the end because you looked to others when God was calling you to Him and waiting to open up His magnificent kingdom to you. Listen to others this week – listen to yourself – where are you getting your truth – are you saying he said, she said or God said?

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Power of Thought – Show Me the Money!??

Power of Thought

Show Me the Money!??

“Show me the Money!” A famous line from the movie Jerry Maguire reflects a state of mind most of us have experienced and perhaps are experiencing it right now.

In a previous blog, I talked about the power of our thoughts and how important it is for our thoughts to be aligned to God’s will and not our own will. Because only His paths lead to true life, love and the good for all and ours don’t. Only His wisdom ushers us into true abundant life. Only by being aligned to Him gets us where we truly want to be.

Money Focus

When it comes to the power of thought, for many people the focus of their thoughts, their pursuit, their motivation and their goals is money. And why not? Money is the means to certain opportunities and lifestyles. Money allows us to help others in ways we couldn’t otherwise. Money pays the bills and keeps our family safe and provided for.

Change of Focus

However, when we reside in God’s kingdom, God tells us money isn’t to be our motivation. Matthew 6:24 Yet money is necessary, so what do we do? We trust God for it, which can be very difficult. But there are great blessings in store for those who trust. We can pray about our concerns regarding money. Seek His wisdom in handling it (a very good idea for many of us), but our focus or our drive each day isn’t after money, but seeking His kingdom or His presence in our lives, which includes His will and wisdom. We seek His kingdom so we can walk in it. When we walk in it then we glorify Him, live in abundant life, and truly love others. As His family, this is the life He has called us to.

God’s will for us

Part of God’s will for us, thus part of our focus is the good works He has for us to do (not our own ideas of good works). Ephesians 2:10 Along with seeking His kingdom, these works are our focus – the goal we set for our lives, the purpose we strive for each day. Not money. Money is often the means to accomplish those goals. He will abundantly provide if we focus on the higher goal, and trust Him with the provision.

Matthew 6:31-33 “Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.”

A Perfect Father’s Provision

God has a higher calling for His children and we don’t need to focus on provision because that is God’s role, as He told us in verse above. God is the perfect Father. Like an earthly father, we don’t worry about money – we live and enjoy life in each moment. We focus on Him, the people He puts in our lives, enjoying life in gratitude, and doing the best with what He has given us to do in complete trust like a kid. A kid doesn’t think about the money. He knows his father will provide for all his needs therefore he lives an enjoyable worry free life. And sometimes he gets that shining new truck his been asking for. Kids often get far beyond their “needs” and God is the same with us.

There is a false notion and thus an inherent fear that keeps us from trusting God in this area – that God is a bare-minimum God. But that isn’t a characteristic reflected in His Word. God giving in abundance is throughout the lives of those portrayed in the Bible like David, Abraham, the Israelites, Solomon, Moses, and Job. The focus of these men wasn’t money or possessions – it was God and His will for their lives. They sought to follow the will of God and the abundance followed. Because God is a God of abundance. Solomon is a great example. 1 Kings 3:6-14 He asked for wisdom so he could lead God’s people, not wealth. Because He sought something higher God gave Him an abundance. God knows our hearts. He wants us to desire a higher calling and trust Him to provide as a Father who wants the best for His children. If we believe He is a bare-minimum God then that belief will manifest itself in our lives.

2 Corinthians 9:8 “And God is able to make all grace abound toward you, that you, always having all sufficiency in all things, may have an abundance for every good work.”

Trust is the Key

God is so good to us it is mind blowing. Most of us just don’t trust it. The lack of faith keeps us focused on the wrong thing and in lack. He wants to give us a fulfilling and abundant life with a meaningful purpose far beyond money. Money is a means not an end. He promises to take care of the means so we are free to focus on a higher goal given to us by Him. If we chase money, we will always chase money and never fulfill that higher calling He created us to accomplish because we were attending to the wrong thing.

Trust is the key. We need to trust God to do what He says He will do. And trust comes from cultivating a personal relationship with Him. If we trust Him He won’t let us down. But we have to make the effort to trust – and that means with our thoughts and our actions. What will be your focus today?

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Burned by Religion & Withdrawing from God

Burned by Religion

And

Withdrawing from God?

I’ve had several friends and acquaintances disheartened by Christian “religion” because of various “issues” like creation vs evolution, end times, hell, salvation, legalism, judgment, and hypocrisy to name a few. They still believe in God but have pulled away from the religion and most from seeking God.

I see this happen over and over – people pull away from God because of the religion of man – when in reality the two are often on opposite ends of the continuum. God is not religion and religion is not God. As I was praying about these friends, various thoughts came to mind that I wanted to say to them and I wanted to share with you:

Don’t make a decision about God based solely on others. Many people professing to be of God aren’t. Though they claim to be of Him, He hasn’t sent them or spoken to them. Jeremiah 23:16, 14:14 Deception about God grows worse and worse, but He promises if you seek Him in His Word, you will find Him and He will manifest Himself to you. Jeremiah 29:13

God’s Word is spirit and eternal. Its truth is revealed by the Spirit. Without the Holy Spirit there is no understanding. Many claim to have the Spirit and don’t, therefore their interpetations are wrong. Even those who may have His spirit, they are still human and can present incomplete ideas. Bottom line, don’t seek and rely on man’s instruction – seek God’s. Seek God to establish your foundation of truth, then test all you hear by what you learn from God. God gave us His spirit so that we could commune with Him one-on-one and know His truth without a middle man – this is His desire for us. 1 John 2:27

Look to God, seek Him, and the truth of who He is in His Word. Open up your mind to learn of Him, from Him. Start fresh and you will find a much different God than what you’ve been taught.

There is so much God wants to show and do for you. All He requires is for you to seek Him in His Word because that is His truth. Don’t turn your back on Him because of the lies of others. God’s desire is for you to be united to Him. Don’t let others take from you this unity, which is true abundant life for you because in His presence is peace, freedom, rest, joy, protection, provision, healing, power, strength, truth, mercy, love, grace, and comfort. Seek Him in His Word to know Him and your will find Him. Matthew 7:7

Your salvation and sanctification are in His hands. Man doesn’t save. You don’t save yourself. You are saved by God’s will alone. He has a plan for your life. When you feel His prompting on your heart, draw near to Him and to get to know Him. Surrendering your will for His wll is a process that happens as you seek and spend time with Him.

As for God’s plan for this world and for us (end times, hell, etc), it is much greater than what many preach. Their views are limited because they are fallen men and women. As a result, their ideas are often full of bondage and lies. If you seek Him, He will start to reveal His plan to you bit by bit as you need to know. Many attribute to Him what He hasn’t proclaimed or even desired. Jeremiah 32:35

As you seek, you will find that God’s wisdom is perfect and your understanding of this world will grow, not diminish (like in the creation vs evolution debate). The Word is spiritual. It is written layer upon layer and full of symbolism and parables to teach deeper truths. To deny this structure is to miss out on the truth. Those who read it literally miss out on the deeper layers that bring truth to His entire Word.

Christianity isn’t about rules, legalism, laws, it is about a true relationship with God built upon truth, trust and love. God desires us – not our works.

I pray you put your past experiences that tainted your view of God behind you. Seek to abide in a relationship with God as you were created to do because without Him life remains incomplete, lost, lacking, unfulfilled, and broken. Give God an opportunity to show Himself as He is to you, and He will blow your mind with His goodness, love, and the realness of His presence in your life.

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Our Thoughts Create Our Reality, BUT . . .

Our Thoughts Create Our Reality, BUT . . .

 

There is a great video on the truth, our thoughts create our reality, by Earl Nightingale.

However to be effective in harnessing this power in our lives there is a deeper layer we need to consider – the source of our thoughts. Where do our thoughts come from and how do we decide which thoughts are best? How do we make sure that what we are thinking or focusing on gets us to what we truly desire and what is for our good and the good of others? We often go after what we think is good, but it isn’t. There is a verse from Chris Daughtry’s song, Home, “Be careful what you wish for, ‘Cause you just might get it all” that speaks to this point. How can we be sure the focus of our thoughts will get us where we truly want to be? Often we are blinded to what is truly good for us, to what will truly fulfill. I know I was.

Our thoughts create our reality is the essence of faith. What we believe in and act on (or have faith in) affects of our lives. If it is God’s wisdom then we will experience the fruit of that belief. If it is the wisdom of the world then we will experience its fruit.

Titus 1:15 To the pure all things are pure, but to those who are defiled and unbelieving nothing is pure; but even their mind and conscience are defiled.

In my previous life, I was an avid believer of the power of thought as I am now. However I lived without God’s wisdom, therefore all I thought was grounded in lies, deception, and wisdom of the world. Wisdom that doesn’t bring what we truly desire; wisdom full of empty promises; wisdom that doesn’t fulfill but creates more want; wisdom that leads to bondage. When we use our thoughts for our own selfish reasons, which we do when God isn’t our center, not only does it negatively impact us but also others. This is the life I had created, one of bondage and destruction to me and others.

I focused, visioned, and tried all sorts of “positive” thinking but deep down my soul remained tormented, thus I tormented others. No one lives in a vacuum. I figured I just need to try harder. When God isn’t our center, instead of being for the greater good our thoughts become a power for the sake of gaining our own power. When this happens we throw things off balance. Our faith is in faith for our own interests. And that kind of thinking leads to destruction because it is counter to God’s will which is for the good of everyone. The lie we have to overcome so that we will seek His will and not our own is that God doesn’t desire a good life for us. It is one we all battle, but it is a lie. I’ve learned the truth in my own life. God truly does desire fulfillment, satisfaction and good for us.

Only when I realized that lie and sought God’s will did my life start to change to become what I truly desired and beneficial to others. By abiding in the Bible, God’s words, His truth became the framework from which I started thinking. His words became my thoughts and started to manifest true life.

Sometimes we don’t realize what we want. The world’s wisdom tells us certain things will fulfill us, make us happy, but they don’t. God created us individually and uniquely. When we don’t align our minds to His will then we end up chasing what will never satisfy. Deep down we have desires instilled in us by God. Only God can lead us to the fulfillment of those desires that bring true satisfaction and joy.

Our thoughts create our reality. If we align our thoughts to God’s wisdom then we find what we were always looking for and everyone benefits.

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Why God Calls Himself a HE? PART II

Why God Calls Himself a HE?

PART II

 

In The Shack, which the author shares some very interesting insights, he addressed this issue of why God assigns a masculine gender to Himself in the Bible. He said the reason God did it was because He knew fathers would be the ones to fail more in their roles than the mothers and the majority of people would need a father, thus He took on the role.

If you haven’t read The Shack and plan to you may not want to read any further – I would hate to spoil it for you.

In the beginning, the main character, Mack, meets God as three people representing the trinity; God as a woman, Christ as a man, and the Holy Spirit as a woman. The God character said she came to Mack as someone he could accept so he would be open to what she had to say because Mack had negative experiences with his father. In the end, she changed into a man – when Mack could accept God as his father as well. I believe the author made a good point. God is spirit – not a gender. He can come in any form He chooses. However, He chose to be a masculine figure in the Bible for a reason – some of which I mentioned in my previous post.

Bottom line. God wants us to draw near to Him so that He is first in our hearts. He designed a world to teach us spiritual truths. And one of those truths is how to relate and build intimacy with Him. Describing Himself as our husband and father was designed to do just that.


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Why God Calls Himself a He?

Why God Calls Himself a HE?

Part I

Someone made a comment on my blog the other day asking why I refer to God as a He. It got me thinking . . .

Why do we assign God a gender when in reality He is spirit and far exceeds a limitation like gender? The issue came up because poor physical representations of a male figure – like an abusive husband or controlling father – can impede upon someone’s desire to draw near to God when we call Him our father or our husband.

God ascribes the male gender to Himself in His Word, the Bible. The question isn’t should we ascribe a gender to Him because it isn’t our decision to make because it is His as the Creator and Master Designer, but why did He ascribe a gender to Himself in His Word? This world and God’s Word are His design and it isn’t for us to change – however I believe He does want us to ask why?

So why?

God has a purpose and reason for everything. This is part of His nature that we see clearly in His Word and His creation. Therefore, what is the purpose of assigning a gender to Himself? I think the underlining purpose is to teach us about Him and our relationship to Him.

God put us in the physical flesh world for several reasons, but that is a different conversation. I want to stay focus on the fact that we are flesh and bones, and how we learn, including about God, is in accordance to the physical world.

This physical world was designed in such a way to teach us about the spiritual world. The two worlds interact and parallel each other. Because we learn best from experience, we experience truths in the flesh that point to truths in the spirit. However, even though God uses the flesh to teach us, He is still teaching us about spiritual things. Therefore if you don’t have His spirit in you, you can’t understand His instruction. 1 Corinthians 2:14

In designing the structure of this world, God created male and female; the males to represent God and Christ and the females to represent us – His people. He could have created something completely different but didn’t because this design accomplishes what He wants us to learn if we seek.

Examples of What We Learn:

For example, we learn how we are to relate to God – like we would our spouse. We are intimate, devoted, loyal, open, caring, loving, and so on. We grow in intimacy by talking one-on-one, listening, being honest and vulnerable. And when we don’t do these things we see the ramifications. When God says He is our Husband, then we understand how we are to relate to Him. When we take time to draw near, talk, open up, get to know Him, then a healthy relationship blossoms. If we don’t it doesn’t. Without this physical representation how would we know how to relate to God in this intimate way? How would we understand the consequences of not doing so?

Also with this design, we get a sense of what God feels when we turn our back on Him and don’t cultivate an intimate relationship of trust and love. When you read in the Bible in Hosea, Jeremiah, and Isaiah how God’s people have played the harlot, the imagery gives us an idea of how God feels and sees those who put their trust in something or someone other than Him. He compares Himself to a husband who has been cheated on. Something we can relate to. Now, if you have been cheated on you know now horrible that feels. Even if you haven’t you can imagine! From our flesh experience we can understand a spiritual reality. And for me it breaks my heart and makes me want to draw closer to God so I will trust Him more – because I love Him.

Why Not One Gender?

Why not just make everyone one gender? Because the two genders which are very different from each other yet share similar characteristics, teach us that we are different from God, but our differences create a perfect union – like two puzzle pieces coming together. In addition, having two separate genders teaches us we aren’t God, a lesson we all need in today’s world.

We need to remember that the physical didn’t come first then God related Himself to it. He designed it specifically to teach us certain things in this life and about Him. There are many, many lessons to be gained if we accept the fact it is His design and move on to seeking the lessons to be learned. If we do we will be greatly blessed in the truths we discover.

For Those with Negative Experiences

As for those who have had negative experiences with these physical representations, it is a huge travesty. However there is a great treasure waiting for them. What some of my friends have found, who have had these bad experiences with male figures, is that God filled the deep dark hole in their lives by being the perfect Father or Husband they never had. Yes, it was challenging because of the past, but the rewards were tremendous as they persisted. If we seek God He will fill the emptiness in our hearts and souls left by others. Our depravity is to push us into Him. We need to be open to His healing in this area. We need to realize that every need is ultimately to be filled by Him. We need to learn He is capable of fulfilling every need.

God’s design is perfect to teach us what He wants us to learn. We need to realize it is only an illustration, but He chose it for a reason. What we have done with that design is far from perfect – but there is another lesson altogether.

More next week . . .


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Fear Riding on my Shoulders

Fear Riding on my Shoulders

 

This last week as I started to venture down new paths, fear started banging at my back door.

When I examined my heart, I found doubt. I doubted the power of God in my life. Not His power, but in my life in this area. After all He has done . . . after all His confirmations, encouragement and help, I doubted. After all He has done in other areas of my life, which has been truly tremendous, I doubted. Memories of past failures crept into my life. Times where I started something but it never quite made it. Times where I was like a ship prepared to sail but never caught the wind. What if that happened again?

This morning during my quiet time I poured out my heart to God. I laid out my fear before Him and in the stillness and quietness, He spoke to me:

This is not your work it is mine. And I will complete it to the end. Your failures before weren’t failures but were what you needed to go through to come to me. You were always mine, but you didn’t know it. You needed to walk a path that unsatisfied you and left you empty to prompt you to seek me. Don’t fear. I’m with you. Forget the past, push forward with me knowing you don’t walk alone anymore. I’m with you until the end. Don’t give room to this fear. Fill that space with my promises; 2 Corinthians 9:8, Ezra 8:22, Psalm 46:1. Just be who you are and let me do the rest. I will work in and through your life according to my purposes. Walk by my still waters and green pastures and be at rest. You are in a different place now – in my kingdom. Life isn’t like it was before when you walked without me and without my power. Trust me. Walk with me. I will show you my power in this.

With His words filling my ears, I realized my fear wasn’t real. It came from a dead past. When emotions like this arise that aren’t based on truth, it is our enemy warring against us. Whether, it is an external enemy or an internal one, seeking God’s face and truth is the answer. Fear is a successful tactic to keep us from moving forward. Whatever God is calling you to – embrace it as His will that will be done. Fill the spaces of fear with His promises. Don’t let fear keep you from experiencing His power in your life because you listened and followed fear instead of Him.


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Year of the Bible

Year of the Bible

Bible Bill

Regardless of the outcome, if this is pronounced the Year of the Bible or not, it is always the Year of the Bible because God’s Word prevails. God is God even if people don’t believe He is. His truth is the Truth, even if people don’t believe it. It is the Year of the Bible in every country always. God is sovereign. His plans for this world, found in His Word, are working out according to His will regardless if we recognize Him or not. Somehow we think if we acknowledge God as God that makes Him God. He is God. What we do or don’t do doesn’t change that fact, though often we act like it does. It is like the ants in my backyard telling me I don’t exist. Well the fact is I do and they are crawling around my yard. I can let them wander around or I can spray them with Home Defense – the choice is mine.

Regardless if they say it is or isn’t the Year of the Bible – the truth is it always is.


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God Seeker

God Seeker

 

Ezra 8:22b The hand of our God is upon all those for good who seek Him, but His power and His wrath are against all those who forsake Him.”

How many of us truly seek God? We seek a “good” church, an “inspiring” pastor, “insightful” teaching, “fulfilling” programs, “meaningful” fellowship, to be healed inside and out, to feel good about ourselves, and the list goes on. But how many of us truly seek God? Hosea 13:6

In general, most seem to be more concerned with finding the “right” church than spending time with God – seeking Him and communing with Him in His Word one-on-one as a passionate bride.

Interestingly in the past couple of years, I’ve noticed many of my acquaintances feeling restlessness in their spirits; something is missing, unfulfilling, and off. They assume it is time to find a new church. But what if that restlessness is God calling them to Him, not another church? God wants a personal intimate relationship with us, but most are too busy trying to cultivate a relationship with the “right” church. He is stirring spirits to draw near to Him. But instead of turning to God and seeking Him, they continue to seek what won’t fulfill.

Amos 5:5-6 But do not seek Bethel (house of God, church), Nor enter Gilgal, Nor pass over to Beersheba; For Gilgal shall surely go into captivity, And Bethel shall come to nothing. 6 Seek the Lord and live, Lest He break out like fire in the house of Joseph, And devour it, With no one to quench it in Bethel—

For years I grew up seeking the things of “Bethel” and my life was a mess. I had no idea what death and destruction filled my days because I was blinded to my own state as I was reassured by others I was on the right path. But now that I have been seeking God for some time the difference in my life between now and then is enormous. I still have a long way to go, but finally I am moving forward instead of circles. I was trapped in bondage, affliction, and pain. I was trapped in myself. But when I started seeking God– He starting bringing me into freedom, healing, truth, true life, peace, rest, and joy, because I was brought into Him. Most Christians are settling for a life far below what Christ came to give because they are seeking the wrong thing – the church system instead of Him.

Most have a religion not a relationship. Most seek Bethel, the church system, and its programs, teaching, fellowship, and leaders but not God. But without a heart after God all these things are meaningless. And this is why the church is in the state it is – far from truth and full of starving souls trapped in deception. Few seek to know God in His Word and trust Him to teach them about Him, but this is what He desires of us. And this is the path to true life.

Seeking God starts by abiding in His Word, one-on-one. The Bible is His Words to us. It peeks into His will, purpose, character, and heart drawing us closer to Him. Once we are building upon the foundation of His Word in our lives, not some other man’s truth or interpretation, then all our other actions are molded in His truth – prayer, worship, fellowship, meditation, and so on. Otherwise all we do is established upon sand and not the Rock.

God made it simple for us – seek Him, and He will take care of the rest Matthew 6:33. Who or what are you truly seeking? Now is the time for the deep honest reflection because those seeking Bethel will be lead astray because they are following man not God. Jeremiah 50:6

Hebrews 11:6 But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.


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Mom and Me

Mom and Me

One of a Kind Relationship

In reflection of Mother’s Day yesterday, I want to share with you one of my most cherished relationships, the friendship I have with my mother – a one of a kind.

My Mom and Me

My Mom and Me

Over the years, my mom has become not only one of my most adored friends, but also she understands me more than most. In Social Intelligence, Daniel Goleman talks about how children take on characteristics of their parents – it is fascinating. He explains the neuroscience behind what I have experienced in my relationship with my mom. She and I share not only similar traits but similar “issues”. Her struggles are very similar to mine because as a child I developed in her reflection.

This mirroring is a great blessing because I have someone close to me, whose love abounds toward me, who I can be completely vulnerable with, and who understands!! There is no glazing over of eyes, but a depth that says, yes I know, wrapped in abundant love, not judgment or disapproval. We truly have shared in each others pain, because we both have experienced it in varying degrees. Because of our similarities we are a tremendous support, encouragement and comfort to one another. There is no one who can take her place, because no one understands what I face like she does, and vice versa.

I wish this relationship for everyone because the intimacy is precious and unique. However, I think many don’t because they have resentment toward their mothers (like I once had) or they can’t accept their imperfections; because it is too hard to admit that they may be a bit like their parents. Often the traits we don’t like about others are the traits we don’t like about ourselves – whether we are conscious of it or not. As a result, we keep at a distance from seeking to really know and understand our mothers. When I was younger I convinced myself I was nothing like my mom. I resented certain ways that she was. What a fool I was on many levels. Only when I was open to all that she was did I really begin to learn about her and thus about me and the healing began in our relationship and in us.

I am my mother’s daughter. I am a part of her.

Interestingly, when I accepted that we shared similar issues that is when the healing began. As long as we suppress and deny our inner “stuff” the more it grows and festers. Healing comes with acknowledgement. First you have to acknowledge the problem before it can be fixed. I think God created this mirroring affect with our parents so that we have a built in reflection of ourselves, support, encouragement and someone to help us grow past out issues.

If there are things about your mom you don’t like. Take a closer examination. Perhaps there is some of her issues in you that you need to acknowledge so you can grow past them. And once you realize that it is okay to share in those vulnerabilities, then the healing begins and the journey to freedom can be shared with a woman who understands more than anyone else. And in the process a sweet intimacy is created unlike any other.