Pushing Through

 

A blank page, what will be its story?

Here I sit … desiring for my words to flow from a new place, a place deep within my soul. It’s where the finite meets the infinite. It’s the point of light where eternal life blooms from. It’s a place of “knowing” that is beyond the self-judging mind.

So as part of this process of speaking from this inner place, I’m exposing what I’m “pushing through” to get to there.

Self-doubt cloaks my mind. Not in relation to the beyond-words, beautiful truths I’m experiencing as I pass through the purification of divine love, but for my ability to aptly express such treasures because my weaknesses are staring at me in the face.

But even if I had the confidence of a luminous and valiant voice; how can a finite mind express such timeless truths perceived through a soul language that is beyond words? Part of the answer lies in the acceptance that truth is always cloaked in our individuality and the expanding yet finite perceptions that we hold, so we humbly accept that truth will always reflect these aspects when expressed by and through us.

I feel another part of the answer to expressing, what my soul currently perceives from this connection to eternity, in some tangible way lies in speaking from this place in my soul and not from my “thinking” mind, where false self-judgments reign. I feel that when words flow from this soulful place they carry a spirit that transcends the words themselves making them more than what they are.

In the past whenever I wrote or spoke, it was “received” and delivered by an ability coming from beyond me. I was very aware of the grace at work that carried me through my weakness. I had no other choice but to trust in the One who taught me to also form the words to those teachings as I attempted to share them. I had to trust in a power beyond myself to deliver what I felt incapable of doing, yet lead to do. Somehow, week after week, as I showed up, the ability to write and to speak showed up, the essence of faith. Faith is acting on what you believe, but don’t yet see. The dim light of truth traveled upon my words. As I continued my journey and sharing what I was learning, little by little that light grew. For as it brightened, so did my desire to love as I perceived the love I was learning about, a divine, pure and perfect love. This increasing desire, which became an all-consuming desire to possess and be this love, was the testimony to my soul that truth was being unified to it.

But now I feel a change in the way my expressions are manifesting. Instead of my words coming through my thoughts by divine inspiration, like listening to a teacher in the schoolroom, they are coming from the part of my soul that is connected to the infinite beyond us. The trust, power and grace I relied on are more deeply integrated into my being somehow, more a part of my expressions. What this all means I don’t fully know. It’s new territory for me. But I feel it is a path I must take, in faith.

My desire has always been to speak “truth” in love for I’ve seen the life-giving effects of this dynamic pairing upon my life. What I’ve learned over the years is that love is the expression of truth, the two aren’t separate but one. So growing in one is growing in the other. Part of achieving that growth has been and still is an intense process for me; stripping, refining, revealing, changing, and letting go among many other things. To speak this way, my soul is shedding my false self-judgments, and connecting and expressing itself from a new place where the perfection of divine revelation (judgment) flows in. This release is a very deep work of my soul, so much that my soul is passing through a “death” and “re-birth”. Divine judgment comes from beyond our self-judging mind through our soul perceptions as revelation, insight, intuition, and/or a “knowing”, and always serves to unify in love. Conversely, our self-judgments of our finite human mind create separation because they are full of error.

I deeply thank all who have given me encouraging words these past months. May you be greatly blessed for every one you’ve spoken. I hope to return the gift with the things I share. We are all brothers and sisters. We are all headed toward a unified end. Though our journeys are individual and unique, the love that we are moving into is singular and unifies us like a harmonious melody; each playing their part and enhancing the other. The faithfulness of our Creator takes everything we’ve ever gone through, whether we judge it good or bad, and uses it to beautify our reflection as he molds us into his likeness of pure love and truth, and thus into an oneness with him and each other.

Through my journey, a message I’ve received over and over again from multiple places is never never give up, and keep persisting and persevering. I see why I’ve been given this reoccurring message, because the biggest struggle we face is through the aftermath of our false self-judgments against our own souls. But there is a light within each one of us, telling us the truth of who we are … beloved children learning to love, of which there is no greater purpose. We only need to seek and desire to be this love, the expression of our “true” self for we are our Father’s children, and never never give up on it.

Thanks for listening, and may this be a Happy NEW Year.