Learning to Breathe Air
Job 42:5-6 “I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear, But now my eye sees You. Therefore I abhor myself, And repent in dust and ashes.”
This verse describes the end of death and the beginning of life in our souls.
My deepest desire is for others, all of creation down to a snail, to feel nothing but pure love from me. It’s a beautiful desire, yet impossible for me alone to fulfill. Matthew 19:26, Romans 5:18
This past week, I came to the end of myself as I never have before. As Christ’s pure light expands in our lives, EVERYTHING is exposed. The response? A complete “face plant” before our heavenly Father, a deep true humility.
Over the years, I’ve learned and repented from how I hurt myself and others … but not to this depth. Some time ago, I felt a dying to myself. I remember the moment. It was very powerful, and a lot changed in my life after that depth of letting go. But He took me even deeper this past week.
The brightness of Christ’s coming means a great awakening to the darkness of the pit we’ve lived in, thus a falling on our face. In His mercy, He keeps us from seeing the depth of our depravity until He is ready to bring deliverance, or else the awareness would destroy us.
This time in new depths, I saw how much pain I’ve created in my life for myself and others over the years. I saw how I was a co-creator to ALL my own pain; and for the first time took responsibility for ALL the hurts in my life. I realized my propensity to unknowingly harm others and this awakening pained me deep within my heart. I became deeply aware of how cruel I could be to myself and others. Yet, God wasn’t showing me these things to discourage me, though it ripped out my heart, but to take me to another level of my desperate need of Him so He could give me more of Him. Ezekiel 36:26
In this depth of awareness, I learned a deeper meaning of self-righteousness. Self-righteousness is thinking at anytime you don’t cause harm to yourself or others, when in actuality, at any moment you can cause harm no matter how much you desire not to or how nice others say you are. We are to grow in understanding of what true love is, and this is very important as it is a part of giving pure love, but any true love that is given or received among mankind is by the grace of God working through us and not ourselves. You realize this when you realize the hurt you are capable of at any moment because of your limited understanding.
God revealed this hidden beast I was blinded to. It was always there, but as God dislodged it from my soul, I saw it and it was ugly. Whenever we see the depths of our ugliness, we can be thankful for God is showing us because He is removing it and putting truth in its place; for the only reason we see it is because of His light in us revealing the contrast.
In more deeply understanding the pain I’m capable of, in whatever degree; my hunger for His righteousness grew a hundred-fold. Romans 5 Only God can truly love. Only God is truly good. Only God is all knowing so He can be truly loving in every circumstance. Thus, we need Him to empty us of ourselves, which happens when we realize our ability to hurt another part of His creation at any moment and a strong desire not to. To be emptied we have to be willing to see the pain we cause, admit our part, and trust Him to create every present moment. The glorious news is it’s our heavenly Father’s desire to give us His pure beautiful spirit; thus to fulfill this hunger. Matthew 5:6
When we reach this point of awareness; then we are ready to receive His breath of life and He raises us up by His spirit filling us. After this “face-plant” experience, only He can cause us to stand. He wants us only to see the depths of our need so we sell all, so He can fill all. Luke 18:22 It’s in this awareness of who we are, who He is, that we joyously let Him take over and let Him fill all. Romans 5:3-5
One warning; those who have been labeled “nice” or “good” are in danger of being most blinded to the harm they cause, thus to their self-righteousness. They don’t see the hurt they cause as plainly as those who aren’t labeled good and nice. We all hurt and are hurt by others. We all need to reach this awareness, for we all unknowingly can cause harm at any moment. We all cause cruelty in our lives to ourselves, others and creation and until we recognize the fullness of our part in feeding cruelty we stay trapped in it. Once we see and acknowledge our part; we start to be emptied to be filled by the pure spirit of love.
How do you know when you’ve sold all? You cease to judge others, hold unforgivness, blame, or the like. You have a deep love for others without effort, even those who have hurt you. Romans 2:1 If you hold anything against anyone, you’ve yet to see your own depravity.
How do you come to the end of yourself? Diligently seek the purest of love.
The commandments are to love. Obeying them is possible only if God governs EVERY breath; for in a moment you can hurt instead of love. We have to trust Him to establish every present moment. We have to be “beheaded” of our mind, self, all we are, and receive Him as our new head establishing every thought in perfect wisdom and love. Revelation 20:4 We have to learn to breathe by the spirit (air) by letting all our sour wine drain out, gain new wineskins, and be filled with the breath of life.
Never stop seeking the purest of love; which you learn from the Father directly through the experiences of your life. Seek to see the truth of what you create in your life and in the lives of others. Coming into the truth is about knowing pure love. This is to be our pursuit. If you seek, you will be emptied of what you thought was good and loving, and will start to experience the filling of His Spirit into yours. Then your “works” or “good fruit” in your life will be a testimony of His presence in you.
Learning to breathe air is receiving and living by His righteousness. It’s as a great of a transition as leaving the water of the womb and breathing the air of life; and even more so.
March 11, 2013 at 5:19 pm
Thank you for sharing out of your own experiences, Rachel .. God bless you!
March 11, 2013 at 6:49 pm
I have been wondering how God was keeping you from us these many days-your pursuit of true love is the highest possible endeavor, and the least followed; Many speak of it, but prescious few walk it out-but how else can we see Christ’s face?…lest we see the depths of our hypocrisy, which undoes our ego self worth and abases us before the exponential love of God and His son who paid so much for us?? Who’s heart is broken from the 50 million abortions?? Who is concerned for the poor unattractive orphans?? How can compassion be effective if we do not let our hearts be broken?? How can I love someone if I will not identify with their deepest hurts?? This Love Is Christ-ianity; Ah my soul, walk on,
March 12, 2013 at 6:40 am
Very good read. Thank you for being a good inspiration to me today. All the things that I do and the experiences that I encounter everyday are dedicated to our Father. Whether I fail or succeed, I don’t blame anyone and I have no regrets because I know all things happen for a reason and I trust Him whatever that reason may be. Thank you for sharing this wonderful post and may God bless you. 🙂
March 20, 2013 at 5:03 am
Thank you Rachel – this post is truly revealing and just what I need to hear. God bless you always.
March 20, 2013 at 7:31 am
HE always digs deeper in the one who allows Him…and brings us out…on the other side…more like Him! His ways are so very good and right!
March 23, 2013 at 7:41 pm
For me this happened when I Forgave everyone and Thanked Holy Father for all of my experiences. Praise The Lord!