I am thankful for your words. It was incredibly helpful. And I totally agree. We have symptoms and excuse them for others things and miss out on the deep healing of God because we don’t ask or seek. Thanks again for all your words

This time I’ll be brief (yes, I know I’m wordy)
I included the symptoms, because it is my understanding that many who have these deep wounds may be unconscious of them, it is common for the child to push damning evidence of a parents conduct (they are not supposed to hate their parent) way back into the furthest parts of their mind where it festers over the years and the only indication they might have are the symptoms.

I hope that some one who is suffering in this way will notice the symptoms in their life, and ask the Lord about it so that the healing process can begin.

Nathan

The healing is definitely a process. But God is faithful to complete what He has started. As Nathan said it is layer by layer and we have to be patient as God takes us through each one. Walking hand in hand with Him through it is the way to deep lasting healing and freedom. I am thankful for your faith in God and pray He will bring amazing peace in this area.

Thank you so much for sharing your journey. I KNOW it will be an encouragement to others. There is a lot of brokenness in this area and as we share our experiences with one another we help each other. 2 Corn 1:4 You made a good point about the healing layer by layer. There have been deep wounds in my life where He has done a similar thing – this is why He has to be the One we trust to heal us – only He truly knows each layer, when to unveil them, and has the power to bring truth and healing. Also, I appreciate you taking time to share with us the symptoms – often we try to address the surface symptoms instead of seeking from God the true source of it. It is good to see how it is all connected. Thanks again for sharing – honesty and realness is so powerful.

You have many interesting observations about the influence of dads, and how that relates to the Lord. I particularly liked, “We are to seek God to complete and fill us, to heal and restore us. As for our earthly fathers we have to abandon the hold they have on us, or we will remain living out our lives in a reaction to theirs.”
Unfortunately I am one of the guys who had a bad dad, In fact I often tell people that I was raised by wolves, since neither of my parents was a healthy specimen.
The bad news is that since I suffered physical and verbal abuse I have had many repercussions from it, the Lord has healed much of it, but He is healing layers like an onion, after each layer is healed He goes deeper and then starts on the new layer. Of course, like your friend with the big hole in her heart, in some ways I am most fortunate. The good news is that the Lord is working on it and He is healing me and reassuring me every step of the way.

These are some of the symptoms resulting from the abuse I experienced. Perhaps some of your readers can identify with some of them.

* I was paralyzed by fear in difficult situations
i.e. to be unable to make a decision or deal with big things like job loss, or inability to pay a debt, in a constructive way.

* I was distant emotionally especially regarding myself.
i.e. I could watch a movie where an animal or a child, or an innocent character got hurt and I would be bawling like a baby, but when it came to my worst wounds and scars I couldn’t let myself go and cry (I couldn’t express my deepest hurts).

*I was abnormally, excruciatingly shy in social situations, to the point of hiding.

* I had extreme reactions, trembling, shaking voice, anger etc. when confronted by a hostile or unfriendly authority figure (policemen, bosses, pastors, priests, etc.)

* I was at times depressed, often with feelings of worthlessness.

* I had totally ambivalent feelings about my dad. I loved him, but then again I hated him.

* I was in denial, clinging to an ideal fantasy of what my family life was like. The things I said about my family home life didn’t match the reality of it. My denial was so strong that I had to be confronted about it (by my wife, someone who knew the truth of the situation).

At one time or another I had all of these symptoms to the point that it was causing me problems, so I thought, ‘why not go to the best psychiatrist in the universe?’, Jesus. The key was that I had to humble myself (realize I couldn’t possibly deal with it myself) and be as brutally honest with Him and with myself as I could.
I started off with “What in the world is wrong with me, Lord??”
and as I sat quietly and listened for Him, He began with a dream I remembered from my childhood (fifty years ago), then as I asked Him, He showed me what it meant. He took me back through the worst experiences, this time with Jesus present, so that I could understand them as an adult. Then I was able to let go of them and hand them over to Him for disposal. He has not given me more than I can handle, but I must say, it is very tough at times. Also it was impossible to forgive my dad when I didn’t even remember why I was so incredibly angry with him, His healing has made forgiveness possible.
The biggest perk of this is, as Rachel mentioned, the Lord becomes your Father, in a very real way, when He gets you to the point of release, you can cry on His shoulder. You can sit in His lap, like the child you were when you were wounded. And you learn, in the most wonderful way imaginable, that He is your refuge.

Please understand, I am not a mental health professional, I am only relating how He is healing me. Thank God, He is healing me.

Nathan